blog:the math competitions

It was kind of sad because this may be the last time.
I got off the bus and stepped into the school in which the math contest was to be held. It was a reallt weird idea that I was waving my hands saying goodbye to my dream of math at the exact moment when I chose to continue. I have been taking part in math contests ever since I was an elementary kid vaguely knowing what math is and what competitions mean. But for none of the times I won. I couldn’t remember for how many times I have excitedly stepped into the test room, got disappointed stepping out of the test room and turned out to be completely frustrated when hearing about the results of the test. This has become a ritual and ridiculous formula of my taking part in the math contests. For every one of the failure, I more than once told firmly to myself that there would be another opportunity and so called next time. Sure there would be and there is. But it is never for me. I tried and tried, failed and failed. I have always wanted to make up for all the loss by waiting for the next time. I never came to realize all these were just a comfort of my own. I have taking winning a math competition as one of my dreams in the beautiful childhood and now it proved that I was wrong. Probably I was not born for math. So this would probably the last time because I fear that I was no longer able to suffer the pain one more time although I have expierienced so much. Everything has a limit.
I murmured to myself that it I failed to win time then I was destined to stop going forward because one needs to learn about giving up. Certainly I knew the result. And I fear the result was to my flattered ideal, meaning that this was the end of my pursuing of math dream.
I haven’t known the result yet but I think I have already had an answer in my mind. It would be my last time, last time of perceiving that soon to be lost pain